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Peak Preak: A Preakness Story

On By Chris ElliottIn Alcohol, Trips, vacationsLeave a comment

Can the written word do justice for what was 10 hours of wall to wall bros, beers and mud? That is up for debate, but oh what a day.

A horse race is always a great day to throw on obnoxious clothes like your name is Wilson Wellington Williams the Fourth ready for another day at the Country Club (Side note, we really did meet a guy who referred to himself as “The Fourth”, dude was blacked out by noon and a douche since birth). The Preakness is no exception with this. From there, the day is filled with booze, music and of course the race.

I can’t begin to explain how we took over the Mug and Vine Club part of the infield. We had a group of 20 plus shouting random phrases, pounding Barefoot mini wine bottles in hopes to fill up the whole table, and forcing each other to chug pink moscato. We ran that place up until the largest man at the table puked for the second time of the day all before 1. Unfortunately, the big man could not rally from this one. RIP to those tables. Despite the loss of those tables, we charged on. There were more Black Eyed Susans to drink.

Did I tell you about the mud? My dry cleaner has her work cut out for her. Girls, check the weather before wearing heels. Eating it face first in the mud is a good laugh for the rest of us, but you will quickly regret it. My shoes didn’t survive the weekend and I am hoping my red pants do. Then there was music. Who knew these fine gentleman named Post Malone and 21 Savage were good? Rap music and horse racing are a shit show match made in heaven.

Then there are the races. The thing about the infield is, you can’t see the race. You see 2-3 seconds as the horses flash by. Yeah, betting on things you have no knowledge of is a rush, but in fact I think most people just wanted the horses to finish so they could drunkenly call a surging Uber ride home. The Preakness was everything I hoped it would be and more. That place is THE PLAY.  However, it is Monday so back to the Rat Race.

I’m a Stoolie and the Sun is Cold

On By Chris ElliottIn baseball, Basketball, College, Football, Random ThoughtsLeave a comment

Have to say, I’m fairly late to the game at becoming a self proclaimed “Stoolie”. I️ probably first learned about Barstool back in 2010 as a college freshman and over the next 5 years dabbled in their content. I️ experienced serious FOMO over never going to a Barstool Blackout Party, perused the Smokeshow pages back as 20 year old college guy in the dorms and laughed at all the absurd videos. Sometime in late 2015 or 2016 I️ became a full fledged Stoolie. Yes, the sun is cold.

Barstool has been all over the news circuit since the cancellation of their show on ESPN after one episode and then the New York Times wrote this piece here https://www.nytimes.com/2017/11/14/magazine/spurned-by-espn-barstool-sports-is-staying-on-offense.html. Like many of my friends, Barstool appeals because it is not PC. We are not racists or homophobes. Many of us have libertarian type leanings. Fiscally conservative, socially liberal. We really don’t give a fuck what you do. Just don’t tell us what to do either. And that’s where barstool appeals. It doesn’t try to be a moral compass, it doesn’t shove its views down my throat and it never takes itself too seriously. We don’t think any joke is off limits because in comedy it shouldn’t be. Barstool offends people and make them uncomfortable because it isn’t afraid to. I️ can’t watch ESPN talk shows anymore. I️ use to love Around the Horn but wouldn’t waste five minutes on it anymore. Instead, I️ look forward to Michael Rapaport calling people out for being sick fucks and want to know who Pardon My Take will name Football Guy of the week. I️ enjoy drinking and sports and comedy. I’m your average 25 year old male. Barstool gets me. Do I️ always agree with everything they say or post? Hell no, but I️ don’t get caught up in it. I️ laugh and move on like countless other Stoolies.

The PC world wonders how this media outlet rose to prominence and can’t believe people enjoy it. But I️ ask how can you not enjoy it? I️ know someone will think I’m a prick or misogynistic asshole for calling myself a Stoolie. Yet, there in lies the beauty of Barstool and its followers. We really don’t give a fuck what you think.